


Your Disappearance

by explodingchips



Category: Monsta X (Band)
Genre: Angst, Fluff, M/M, Showki, idkwhatelsetoputasatag
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-01
Updated: 2018-08-10
Packaged: 2019-05-31 16:49:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 6,908
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15123734
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/explodingchips/pseuds/explodingchips
Summary: "Wait for me Hyunwoo. I'll find you again. I promise."





	1. Happy

**Author's Note:**

> really hoping you guys enjoy this fic. this was a fic that made me really proud heh so yeah.

This used to be your favorite place.  

Do you still remember? 

Remember when we were reckless, immature and mindless? 

Remember how the elders would look at us and hoped we could be more responsible with our own lives? 

I remember those stares. But we didn't care. 

Anyways, I still remember what we did here. 

What day it was. 

And how I felt that day, 

Was like winning the grand prize 

Utter happiness flowing out of its brim. 

_You told me that it was a great day even though rain didn't show a sign of stopping._

_I pushed your head telling you that what you said was nonsense._

_You just pulled out your signature buddha smile telling me how excited you were._

_"I planned this for weeks and I was praying the whole time that it wouldn't rain. But, I guess mother nature's trying to tell me I picked the wrong date." You chuckled a little while your hands still on the steering firmly._

_It was odd though. It was the summer. Rain hardly ever poured down this heavy. I shrugged at the thought, thinking it was just our bad luck activating._

_"It's okay. We could still have some fun while it rains." I reassured you._

_"By the way, where are we heading?"_

_"It's a secret, Kihyun-ah. Gee, this was the first time you've asked me that question. How long did you hold it in?"_

_"It's a secret, Hyunwoo-ah." I mimicked him. You scoffed a little in reply._

_Slowly, as time passed, the rain began to lighten up._

_"Look, maybe we could have some fun outdoors today." You commented._

_"Yeah, I guess so." I looked out the window and saw the droplets of rain racing each other. I watched as each droplet reach the bottom of the window and disappeared. My finger followed a droplet and another and another. Until you caught me in my childish play._

_"Are you that bored?"_

_I looked at you, ready to answer you. But I didn't. I stared intently at your features. Luckily for me, you weren't aware. I saw how your eyes shone despite me seeing it sideways. I saw how you would bite your lips a little every few moments. Your eyebrows would furrow every time a signboard passed your vision. Your nose would be scrunched up as you tried to read the words on it. This was all quite a sight for me. A memory I wouldn't forget._

_"You like what you're seeing?" I saw a small smile that formed on your face. And I realized I still existed in your peripheral vision. Slight heat crawled up my face and I found myself watching the scenery sweep pass the window._

_"Yeah, I am bored." You didn't say anything but gently touched my cheek and muttered how cute I was under your breath. I rolled my eyes but had a tinge of happiness showing at the corners of my lips._

_Less than a minute passed when I spoke my next sentence._

_"I liked what I saw. You know, if me saying it makes you happy. Also, why didn't you stop me staring at you?"_

_"Well, I like being the center of your attention once in a while, you know? I like being looked at like a piece of art."_

_"Psh. How long did I stare?"_

_"Not more than a few minutes. But I enjoyed every moment though." After hearing that sentence, I reached up to your cheek and kissed it. I whispered in your ear, "Idiot."_

_"How long more until we get to your secret outdoor destination? I'm getting tired of sitting."_

_"Not long more, love." You said and tangled your hand with mine._

Suddenly, that exact memory faded away from my mind. Like how tiny grains of sand blown away by the wind. My soul returned back to the present and my head spun a little, making the scenery ahead of me seem doubled. I stopped in my track and looked back. Footprints marked on the shore led to where I was. A chilly small wave hit my feet and shivers ran down my back. I let myself take a little breather. My gaze changed from the sand to the edge of the ocean that settled ever so far away from me. At the end of it, the sky met. The two blue hues clashed but didn't appear as an annoyance to each other but instead they complemented each other well. A humid breeze hit my face as I watched the glowing sun. 

_"Not long more, love."_  That sentence was played on repeat.  

I looked up and smiled like a fool. 

Was this your sign of saying your arrival was soon? Or was it a lie? But you sounded so genuine. I believed you. I really did.  

I felt my eyes and heart sting. It felt like poison started growing from my heart. Like a flower with a million thorns. The corners of my eyes started to be filled with tears.  

Ha. No. Crying for you? I didn't want to.  

"I hate you so much."  

But I know, deep down, hatred never existed when it came to both of us.  

I took a deep breath and continued my path. 

"Don't you worry, Hyunwoo. I'll be fine. I'll be with you soon. And then I'll be happy. We could run away together. We could build our own freedom. And most importantly, stay together. Forever. Right? You promised me that our love was eternity. You won't break that promise, right?" 

_Sigh._

"Wait for me." 

I was there. Alone. Talking to no specific person. Because that one person was not here. Did not exist anymore. Hardly believing he was listening.  

"I loved you. Wait, no. I still do. And if you ever come back, my heart will still fall twice as hard for you. Don't believe me? Then come back, and I'll show you." 

 

_You held my hand the whole time we walked down the beach._   
_Two pairs of footprints followed us and left imprints of us._

  
_"Today was fun huh?" You said as you squeezed my hand a little._

  
_"Yeah, it was." We walked a little longer until you stopped. I was a little startled as the momentum was lost all of a sudden. You adjusted yourself and faced me, holding both of my hands. I found you staring at me. It felt like your eyes were staring deep into my soul. However, it didn't feel cold and empty instead it was warm and comfy. I felt protected and assured._

  
_"What's this? Is this your 'revenge' because I glanced at you in the car?"_

  
_"I wouldn't call it glancing if it lasted for at least 5 minutes."_

  
_I felt myself blush furiously. You saw this and immediately smiled.  
"You're beautiful, you know that?" You asked looking at me. _

  
_"Nice try, sweetie. Tell me something I don't already know." Your reaction was eye rolling at my reply. I just snickered._

  
_"I was trying to have a really sentimental moment here. Thanks a lot, Kihyun-ah." You let go of both my hands, turned 180 degrees and started walking away. My snickering turned into a burst of laughter at your little act._

  
_"Hey! I'm kidding!" You didn't look back._

  
_"Come back!! I was just playing with you." Your back was still facing me despite me screaming._

  
_"GET YOUR ASS BACK HERE AND LOVE ME!!" I shouted as loud as I could but you still didn't bother. Sighing, I decided to run to you. As soon as our distance was shortened by an abundance, I jumped on you. Clinging onto you like a baby koala. With my arms around your neck and my legs wrapped around just above your hip. Luckily, you didn't topple over and fall._

  
_"Hey, don't ignore me like that. That's rude." I said with a pout plastered on my face._

  
_"That's what you get for ruining my moment." You said as you placed your hands at the back of my knee for support._

  
_"Well, if you wanted to kiss me, you could've just done it. Instead of trying to set the scene." I said poking your cheek._

  
_"Who said I wanted to kiss you, idiot?" You said while fanning my finger away._

  
_"Hm. Whatever you say, mister. I know I'm irresistible." You scoffed at that._

  
_We continued like this. Sometimes, I would see a pretty or unique shell and tell you to pick it up for me. And you did, despite having to do a few squats to get the shells._  
I was admiring the shells until I heard you say, "I'm letting go of you, okay?" I hummed in reply.    
Even after you put me back on the ground, I fiddled with the shells.     
_"12...13...14...ooh, a pretty one. Look at it." I shoved the shell in your face and you were unfazed. That was when you held my arm, leaned forward and kissed me. It was a quick one though._

  
_"So, you do want to kiss me, right?"  
"Shut up." _

  
_This time you placed your arms around my waist and kissed me passionately. In an instance, my interest in shells faded and it was now placed on you. I dropped all my shells and kissed you back with my arms resting around your neck. Your kisses were soft and gentle. You drew circles on my back and pulled me closer to you as if you were going to lose me in thin air._

   
I chuckled pathetically at that thought. You weren't going to lose me. I lost you. But I'm still here. Waiting. Only for you. 

   
 _A simple kiss turned into a make out session. In the middle of the beach. I jumped onto you again with my legs secured around you. Suddenly, a thought struck me._  
 _"Wait. What if people see us? Wouldn't they be disgusted and what not? Maybe we shouldn't so this." I said, ready to jump off you._  
"No one's here, baby." You put your arms under my legs, preventing me from escaping from your grasp.    
"How do you know?"   
"Like I said, I prepared all this for so long. I've done my research." You said with a wink.    
In response, I kissed you again. Everything felt perfect. I felt so loved and pampered with all your affection that I never wanted to leave you. Sure enough, no one was at the beach. I mean if you didn't count that one or two couples that passed by in the corner of my eye and cooed at us then walked away, then yeah sure there was no one.    
This idiot didn't do "research", that was for sure. 

 

I gave in to my feelings. I miss you. I really do. I've never stopped missing you. There was never a day my heart stopped having high expectations that you would walk in through the front door, hug me and say "I'm back". I waited for so long. I trusted your words. Promised you I'd never run away. Never fall out of love. 

Honestly, where are you? 

Why did you leave just like that? With no notice. No signs or signals. 

Don't you think I deserve an explanation? Or at least some sort of apology? 

How could you do this to me? After everything we had. If this is a game, I don't want any part of it anymore, okay? Please just stop. I'm done. I just want you back.  

Desperation didn't just succeed in crawling to the surface of my existence, it was eating me out alive. I had so many unanswered questions.  

I stopped walking. It was making me feel nauseous. I sat down, inches away from the waves. A distance far enough not to get wet. Hugging my legs towards me, I looked around. I saw how my footprints were slowly getting washed away by the waves. As the waves returned to the sea and became one, there was not a trace on the sand. It was like you. Leaving everyone and that was it. Also, I noticed that there was hardly anyone here. Not a single soul was here to console me. I felt more encouraged to just end it all. I wanted to see you again. Even if it meant making stupid decisions. But I wanted to mourn a bit more. Why? I had no clue. I just felt a little comforted just sitting there, not doing much. Letting my mind run and wander.  

"Hyunwoo-ah, if you're listening. I want you to know, you're such an asshole," I chuckled to myself before continuing. "Have you missed me? Or were you too busy? I wanna know. Remember that day we were here? That was one of my best days. Ha. Aren't you honored to be on my list?"

I inhaled the air sharply before continuing.

"But, just wanna let you know. All my best days were spent with you."  

Tears poured out almost immediate. I couldn't hold it back anymore.  

"I love you. Please, please, I'm begging you, come back." 

 

 


	2. Wish

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> lalalalalalalalaalalalala im back lalalaalalalalaalala

_We were at the beach for almost 4 hours._

_Built sand castles, went swimming in the chilly ocean and might've even made out a little longer than the last one._

_After all that, darkness grew and overpowered light. The fluffy white clouds turned almost translucent. Countless stars were spread all over the sky and a toenail shaped moon hung in the middle, with its radiating light spreading all around it. The ocean had wavy lines of light reflected from the bright moon. It looked like the cliche type of beach photography you'd find on the internet. But seeing it in real life, was spectacular._

_Both of us were just sitting side by side taking in the beach's beauty. You had your arms at the back of you to support yourself with legs straight out while I tucked my legs close to me. Around us were tents that were set up by the other families and couples that were here earlier. But now, there were only two humans on shore, visible. Me and you._

_I saw a little group around a campfire with triangular tents behind them, singing at a distance_

_"Are we going to stay here for a night too?" I asked with fingers crossed in my head._

_"Heck no. We're going somewhere else later." You said with eyes still glued to the view._

_Hm. You knew. Knew that although I loved the beach, I hated camping outdoors. Extra brownie points for that. Just to be clear though, it's not that I hated people who camped outside and sang songs like that group, it just isn't my cup of tea but I still loved the outdoors._

_While you were still distracted, I shuffled myself and settled between your legs. I rested my head on your chest. I could hear your heartbeat beating the same pace as mine  and I felt a rush of contentment._

_"What was that for? Sand were flying everywhere while you came here. It was annoying." You said as you kissed the crown of my head despite being a little irritated._

_"Well, I'm sorry, mister." I side-eyed you._

_"Forgiven." That word was barely a whisper but I still heard it._

_We stayed like that for a while. It felt so calming. For that moment, we were away from all the chaos in our hectic lives. It had been so long since we stopped working fast, 24/7, when we could barely even hold a solid conversation. And here we were. Totally ignoring our usual lives._

That thought. That one thought brought me back to the present. I thought to myself, "if you never took up that job, maybe none of this would've happened. You wouldn't have left in the first place. This was your fault too, Hyunwoo." 

But being the soft-hearted individual, I couldn't bring myself to blame you. It was just impossible. 

"But really, would everything have changed if we picked the other choice? Would I have been able to make you stay?"

_I grabbed a handful of sand with a strong grip, not wanting a grain to slip. Then, I slowly opened my hand, letting the sand seep through the gaps between my fingers. It looked like sand in an hourglass. I repeated this a few times because I felt fidgety. After that, I started drawing on the sand with a scrawny-looking twig nearby._

_"What are you drawing?" You asked after a while. I drew all sorts of shapes and lines._

_"Nothing meaningful, just scribbles." I felt your arms secured around my waist._

_"You should eat more. Your waist is getting smaller as the days pass." You said suddenly and randomly._

_"I am." My answer was short as I started tracing a circle around us._

_"What does the circle mean?"_

_"It means we'll stay together. Everything that is in the circle gets to stay." You stayed silent while observing it._

_"That's cute, but what about half of my calves and my feet?" You said while pointing at them as they extended out of the circle._

_"Well, you don't need them when you've got me." I smiled my biggest smile._

_"Yes, I do. Make a bigger circle, Ki." You said. I groaned. I stretched my torso to reach your feet._

_"It's not my fault you're tall." I muttered quietly._

_"What did you say?"_

_"Nothing, hon." I said, looking back with the phoniest smile. Eventually, the circle turned into an oval._

_"That's better." You said contentedly. I went back to getting comfortable in your embrace and kind of sighed there. The last thing I drew was your initials and mine in a ugly, fat heart with an arrow going through it. Cringey, I know but I was bored so it's an exception. Then, I stabbed the twig into the sand which snapped into two due to it being a weakling. We didn't talk much the whole time and slowly, I felt my eyes getting heavier. I tried my best not to look tired. I tried rubbing my eyes, trying to be subtle while stretching slightly and avoid any yawning._

_"Let's go. It's getting late. And you're getting tired anyways." Ah, you noticed._

_"Hehe, sorry. But don't get me wrong though. I had a ton of fun today, my energy is just drained to the max." I said as I pulled myself up with your arms supporting me._

_"Hm, I know you had fun." You said as you reached for my hand and intertwined it. Hand in hand, we walked all the way to your car._

All I could remember from that car ride to the next destination, was you kissing me before going to the driver's seat and that's it. Pretty sure I was so tired, I blacked out immediately. But I still remembered how bumpy the road was though. But yeah, that was it.

_"Ki, wake up. We're here." You shook my shoulder gently. I slowly opened my eyes but squinted them immediately because of the sudden fluorescent, bright lighting._

_"Where are we?"_

_"At a hotel." I hummed. I stretched my back until I heard a crack and then crouched a little, rubbing my eyes._

_"Did you sleep well?" You said as you rubbed my back._

_"It was okay." You kissed my temple and signaled that we should get down from the car._

_Nothing much happened after that. The usual things happened. Registration, taking the lift up to the room, showering and me immediately sprawling myself onto the bed._

_"This is comfy." I said with a genuine smile._

_"Yeah, I know it is. Now, scoot over. I need space."_

_"I want the bed all to myself."_

_"Well, too bad." You pushed me a little to the side of the bed and went under the covers. I, too did the same and snuggled close to you. Because your back faced me, I gently tapped your shoulder._

_"Hey, you asleep yet? Thanks for today. It was great." I said softly. You turned around entirely and held me close to you._

_"No, I'm not asleep and you're welcome, baby. Now, get some rest. It was a long day." I nodded in response._

_"Goodnight, Hyunwoo. I love you."_

_"Love you too, idiot." The last thing I saw was you_ _before I let my dreams overtake me._

Just thinking about how cute we were, made my heart rip even more. How long have I wished we could do all that again? A little too long. I swore that as every second passed, I treasured that day in my heart more and more. My heart was left with a hole ever since you left. You took that part of me away ad never gave it back. No one else was able to fill my heart fully and make me as happy as you did. If I had a fairy godmother, a genie, a shooting star or even having the time to show 11.11 coincidentally right now, my only wish is for you to come back. But, sadly, I knew you coming back did not even have the slightest chance of happening. 

"Bring me someone who could answer my questions and explain everything. It's the least I need." I said quietly.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> what'd you think of this chapter?? tell mee about and i'll see you guys soon on the next chapter :))


	3. Broken

 

_I heard slight muffled shuffling coming from your side. Without opening my eyes, I blindly stretched my arm, trying to reach my phone. Once I felt a solid rectangle in my grip, I slowly opened my heavy eyelids which ended up me squinting._

 

_3.27 am. It read. And I closed my eyes back while scrunching my forehead, making it a little wrinkly._

 

_"I'm sorry I woke you up, baby. You can go back to sleep." Despite what you said, I went against you._

_I slowly sat up straight and ruffled my hair._

_"Why are you awake so early? Couldn't sleep?" Once again, my eyes were still close shut. When I realized you didn't answer, I opened my eyes. It was rare when you didn't answer. It only happens when you were busy with, let's say, work. I was hoping so hard that this wasn't the case and it was you not hearing my question. I saw you half-naked, without a shirt on. You were packing things into your duffel bag and looked a little rushed._

_"Please say you're not leaving. Again." I said with an irritable voice._

_You stopped what you were doing and stared at the ground before you looked at me and answered._

_"Ki, I'm really sorry. I have to go. It's important." You sounded very stern. It was a little intimidating._

_"But it's the third time this month. You said that the previous one would be the last one."_

_"I know I said that. But this time it's serious. I'm really sorry." I sighed. It's not like I was in a position to not let you go. It was not like I had the power to make you drop that stupid job. So, I let you go. It was the worst decision I've ever made._

_"I promise I'll be back real soon. Now, go back to sleep. When you wake up, I'll be right here, okay?" You said as you climbed onto the bed, shortening our distance. You then wrapped me in your tight embrace and kissed me on the forehead._

_"Aren't you going to kiss me for real before you go?"_

_"I'm saving it. So, when I come back, I can kiss you for as long as I want." You said with a big smile. However, this all felt odd to me. Something was off from the way you smiled. You were hiding something and I wanted to know what that something was. But, stupid me just assumed that I was over seeing things and stayed silent._

_You got off the bed, put on a shirt and grabbed your bag. Before leaving, you tucked me into the bed._

_"Stay safe and come back alive, okay? Come back soon." I took my opportunity while you leaned down close to me and cupped your face while saying that._

_"Like I said, I'll come back immediately. Have some faith in me, idiot. Now, close your eyes and sleep. It's a little too early for you to be awake."_

_"It's your fault for being loud." I joked. You smiled at that._

_"I'm going now, okay? I love you with all my heart. Keep that in mind."_

_"I love you too." With that, you left._

_'Click.' There went the closing of the door. And the last time I ever saw you._  

 

That morning was so different. I should've trusted my gut and questioned you, dragged your time with me. I thought I was just too overly obsessed with the slight change in your expressions and words since it was at the crack of the morning. What if I had said "fuck it", went against my capabilities and made you stay? I regretted so much after that morning. I shouldn't have assumed that I was just tired. I wish I did something. Anything. Just so you wouldn't have had to step a foot outside the door and vanish forever. I'm sorry. That this was all my fault. 

 

_I woke up with a hazy vision._

_"Hyunwoo-ah, what time is it?" I subconsciously called out while rubbing my eyes._

_"Hyunwoo? Babe?" I forgot about last night._

_"Ah, he's not here." A slight sadness crept into my heart. Suddenly, I remembered you saying you'd be back when my eyes opened. You were supposed to be the first thing I saw. You were supposed to be right next to me, dead asleep because your job was tiring. But you weren't. Maybe you were on your way. Maybe the journey back here took time. Or maybe...no. You're fine. You promised me you would be fine._

_"It's okay. I'll wait for you to be back." I got up and went to the bathroom to clean myself up before you came back. When I came out with a towel around my waist, I heard an alarm ring._

_God, that's annoying. But it sounded familiar. Weird._

_Before getting dressed, I followed the sound of the ringing alarm and found your phone vibrating on the side table._

_Idiot forgot his phone. How clumsy._

_After I turned off the alarm, I saw a notification. I wasn't nosy or wanted to get all up in your privacy. I trusted you. But the notification read: **"To Kihyun."** It was a notification from Notes. _

 

Remembering this pushed me to the edge of the cliff I was barely clinging on to. I was dangling on the edge of something far worse than desperation. And If I fell, I would be dead. 

 

_I put on a simple shirt and shorts and unlocked your phone with your password._

**_1122\. My birthday._ **

_I opened the app and saw a long message attached with my name. My first thought was thinking how cute could you be? Leaving a note for me before you left. Adorable. But little did I know, my whole world would collapse after reading it._

 

**_"To: Kihyun_ **

**_I'm sorry. I'm not coming back. I know what I promised you and I'm sorry I have to break the promises. It's not up to me to choose what I want right now. I'm not in the most favourable position. This task my boss sent me, was the last one. That's great news but it's the last for my whole "company". People are coming for us. Our task was supposed to take a share of the money and run. Disappearing was advised. My boss just wanted us to completely cut ties from the company and from everyone. So that, no one will track us down._ **

 

**_I need a favour from you. I hope you'd do all this. Then, maybe, just maybe I can come back. Firstly, I need you to dispose all my belongings. Delete pictures of me. Get rid of anything that relates to me. Secondly, tell my family and friends that I would be busy for a long time and won't be able to come back for a while. You don't have to tell them to do anything. I don't want them to suspect or worry about anything. Kihyun-ah, I'm really sorry. I know this hurts and I'm sorry I can't tell you I understand what you're going through and that I will be there for you. I need you to be strong and push through all this. Therefore, thirdly, trust and have faith in me. I know it's going to be hard but I believe that you'll be okay._ **

 

**_Ki, I love you so much. Thank you for everything. I'm so grateful I managed to see you grow into the you today. I'm happy I was a part of your life. You being my other half, my partner in crime, has been and will be the greatest thing that has ever happened to me. You were my best friend and now you're my one and only annoying little hamster. Haha I'm kidding, don't get mad. You'll always be my one true love and my love at first sight. I know I broke your promises and lied to you but here I am, laying down promises for you to carry out. Promise me you'll stay happy. Promise me you'll wait for me. Promise me you'll be okay. And, I know I sound selfish but, promise me you'll still love me. I can't bear losing you._ **

 

**_These years being stuck to you have been filled with the most worthwhile moments that made it the best years of my life. I've learnt to tolerate you constantly disturbing me and love you wholly for who you are. To be honest, I'll miss taking care of you and being protective over you. I'll miss making sure you don't tire yourself out on some days. I'll miss showering you with affection and seeing you flustered once in a while. I'll miss your sarcasm comments that you never fail to throw at me. I'm sorry this is how my goodbye to you will be. I couldn't bear seeing you heartbroken in front of me._ **

 

**_From this day on, you need to learn to live your life without me while I live mine. Do things you couldn't do while I was there with you. Be brave to step out of your comfort zone without me guiding you along the way. Make mistakes and learn them after that. Have fun for the rest of your days. Pretend I never existed. Pretend you didn't know me. Meet new people, surround yourself with positivity. And please stay strong. When I walk down the same street as you, I want to see a happier, stronger you. Happy tears filled at the corners of your eyes and not sad ones._ **

 

**_I love you. And have never stopped ever since I met you. Nothing I say right now will help the pain and I know that, but I just want to let you know that I'll still be watching you from afar. You'll still own a big part of my heart. Even if you decide that you want another companion in the meantime, promise me you wouldn't forget about me because I wouldn't._ **

 

**_It's 2:46 am now. I have to go soon. Destroy the sim card of this phone. Leave the hotel at anytime you want. The car is still parked outside. Eat something before going back, okay? It's gonna be a long ride. Goodbye, Kihyun-ah. Til we meet again, even if it will be in our next lives._ **

 

**_From,_ **

**_Hyunwoo."_ **

 

_I slid my back down the side of the bed. My eyes were puffy and filled with tears. My cheeks were soaked. Hands were trembling and my whole body turned slightly cold. I threw the phone on the bed and gripped my hair tightly. Eyes squeezed shut, wishing all this was just a joke.Wishing you were right here, next to me._

_I screamed. Out of pain and agony. The one person that I trusted, loved, and relied on, left me. Left me on my own. You can't just walk out like that. People don't do that. I sat at the side of the bed for a long time, half-believing this was all true. The pain felt surreal, I went numb. With all the crying and screaming, I became dazed. People have come and gone in my life. But this hurt like hell. My heart felt stabbed at every second. My soul slowly, bit by bit, left me. A boulder crashed onto my world, crushing it into millions of pieces._

 

This was 3 years ago. Even up until today, remembering this has never failed to break me down, turning me into a crying mess. Every time I held it all in, I was losing my sanity bit by bit. But today, as I return to this exact place, I'm a goner. I cried like there was no tomorrow. 

 

_I washed my face and looked at the mirror. What a mess. Tear streak stains with red, bulgy eyes on my face stood out. I tried using cold water to reduce the swelling and it helped. Just a little._

 

_I should head back._

_I want to leave here._

 

_I mentally stated. I started packing everything and put on a pair of sunglasses and a black mask to hide my face. Without even looking back at the room, I grabbed my things and left without hesitation. While leaving the place, I felt stares heavy on my back. After checking out, I got into the car. A yellow sticky note was stuck on the steering wheel._

 

**_"Take your time on your way back. Be careful when you drive. Love, him."_ **

 

_I immediately scrunched it into a ball and threw it to the back. I was really upset. Pushing the key into the keyhole harshly, I drove out the hotel and sped back home._

 

_It was a long ride back._

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this fic is coming to end sooooooon <3


	4. End

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> its the last chapterrr :(

 

I stood up from my spot and started inching towards the sea slowly. Before completely being able to touch the sea, I looked back at the beach and took a glance. There was this tree. It was big and hundreds on leaves were on the branches making it look like a huge broccoli. This tree caught my eye out of everything else. Why exactly, you may ask? Well, because there was this tall, muscular figure that was behind the tree, looking back at me. 

_It can't be.  
It just can't be._

I shook my head and rubbed my eyes before focusing back on that tree. There was nothing. It was just the tree.

_I'm hallucinating things.  
I'm slowly going insane._

 

_I was cleaning up your room. Putting back things in place. Waiting for you to come back. If you ever did. It was something I did every few weeks. For 3 years. 3 long hard years._

 

I felt the warm ocean touch my foot as I took my first step. 

 

_It was so tiring. Making sure no one talks about you. Making sure I held back my tears whenever someone talked about you. Making sure I knew the right answers to everyone's questions._

 

I looked at the sea as it rose to the shore and back to the ocean. White foam and bubbles were visible on the surface of the water. I kept stepping forward. One foot at a time. 

 

_"Do you know when Hyunwoo's coming back? I haven't seen him in a while."_

  
_"Oh, he's really busy with work. But don't worry, I'll remember to tell him about you."_

  
_"Thanks, me and the others are planning for a reunion soon."_

  
_I smiled and gripped the end of my sleeve hard under the table. Always, one of your friends would tell me to meet up at a place and ask me about your well being. Then, I would always reply with the same answer. They would then leave and I would be left there, tears threatening to drop._

 

The ocean was knee-high. I was still so far from the end of the ocean. I wanted to be able to touch the sky like how the sea did every day. I wanted to be like the ocean. Free.

 

_Until one day, the police arrived at our front door. I had just finished cleaning up. I went to the front door, not hoping much._

_"Good afternoon, sir. Are you Kihyun?"_

  
_"Yes, I am. Is anything wrong?"_

  
_A heavy silence settled between me and the police.  
"Sir, we're here to tell you that Hyunwoo and his gang were caught in a mass firing and unfortunately most were unlucky. They did not survive."_

  
_The police sounded quite monotone.  
I couldn't believe what I heard. On one hand, you were alive for the past three years. On the other, there was such a high chance you were dead already, even before I was able to see you again. 'Most were unlucky' the police said, didn't mean all, right? I prayed. Beg the gods that you were fine. _

  
_"The bodies of others were found. However, Hyunwoo's couldn't be tracked down. But sadly, this isn't good news. Due to how chaotic the firing was, as predicted, inspectors have concluded that no one would have been able to come out alive after that shooting. Therefore, Hyunwoo is presumed as another victim."_

  
_My heart sank. I stayed silent. Trying not to look weak._  
"I'm terribly sorry for your loss, sir. We, on behalf of the whole police unit, sincerely hope that you and his family will be able to recover from this tragedy as soon as possible. Have a nice day, sir."   
I heaved a heavy sigh before faking a small smile.  
"You too, officer." And I shut the door after that.

 

It took me roughly 20 steps to get the water to reach my waist. I counted my last few steps on this planet. Before I ended it all. By myself. 

 

_A distant sound of glass shattered onto the floor was heard as I shut the door. I dragged my feet to the sound. It was a photo frame. It was a picture of you. I threw the photo behind me._

_You promised me._  
You said you'd come back.  
I listened to you. 

 

Your room was a complete mess when I stepped out of it. Let's just say, I destroyed it. Didn't even bother picking up the glass shards. I locked the door, swore to myself, that this was the last I would ever think about you. The last time I'd ever know you. The last time I'd shed a tear for you. This was my starting point of a new life. A broken yet renewed chapter. I promised myself to never look back. Never cling onto the past that I held tightly my whole life. That was it. 

I remembered this all happened about a few week ago. I told your parents right after I got the message. We were so busy planning your funeral after that, despite the fact your body wouldn't even be in a damn casket. After 3 weeks, your funeral was held today. At your funeral, I made a speech. Tried to keep it short and simple. Didn't really reveal anything. No sentimental memories at all. People thought I never really loved you since I wasn't in a pool of tears. But luckily, your family tried to understand me in other ways.

The day we were here 3 years ago, was our fifth anniversary. As soon as the funeral was coming to a close, I excused myself and drove all the way here. To commemorate, I guess?

Hyunwoo-ah, you just left too quickly. I forgive you for that, don't worry. I've learnt so much through out the years spent with you. Not just 5 years but all the years I've known you. My true love left me, and so did my best friend. You've taken away so much of me that I don't feel quite right sometimes.

Now, I was almost engulfed by the ocean. Water neck high. I squinted my eyes as I looked at the warm sun. 

This is my goodbye and also hello, Hyunwoo.   
I'm coming for you.  
I'll finally be able to see you again.   
This is my next new chapter starting with you. 

I inhaled in my last breath and feel myself loosening strength on my legs. I allowed myself to sink. It was all going so well. I was so close to be with you again. 

Until I heard a voice. A voice I'd never mistaken with anyone else's. A voice I wanted to hear for 3 years. A voice that called me.

 

_"Kihyun-ah!"_

 

Though it sounded unclear, that voice made me regain my strength. Filled my body with a soul I was missing. I stood up straight, coughing out the water I swallowed and looked back at the shore.  
With a blurry vision, I saw. A man stood there. A man with a familiar figure I never forgot.   
That was him. That was you. I didn't second guess myself. I was confident that it was you.

 

_"Kihyun-ah!"_

 

I completely turned, facing the shore and I ran as fast as I could with tears again flowing out. 

 

 **"Not long more, love."**  
**"I planned this for weeks."**  
**"I liked being the center of your attention."**  
**"Get some rest, baby."**  
**"Have some faith in me."**  
**"Til we meet again, Kihyun-ah. Even if it will be in our next lives."**  
**"I love you so much, remember that."**

 

And I ran. Because that was you. 

 

You came back. 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey guysss so this is the end of the fic :')) i hope yall enjoyed this story!!  
> as a nEwbiE here, this fic was my biggest accomplishment so far and i hope in the future i'll be able to put out longer stories with better plots  
> til the next fic, byeeee :))

**Author's Note:**

> i hope u liked the first chapter!! stay tuned for the next hehe.


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